Autumn is truly here and I came across this picture of Lily on the Boat. She loved it so very much. We would put on the girls little life jackets and off they would run to get on the boat. She didn't get a ride this year and has left us to check up on my Dad and Mom. We will miss her every day.

I love the fall, the smells, the colors, Halloween! But I find it a difficult time of year as I start to reflect on all the things I wish I could have accomplished on the long days of summer. It takes me a little while to actually realize that so many "things" got done; but I fixate on the ones that didn't. Do other people feel that way? Or is is just me? 

The end of summer projects and clean up. Keeping up with the little things inside the house. The past few years have taught me to pick a single thing and do it well. Then move on to the next thing. But every now and then I find myself reverting to the frenzy of earlier years. Fold the laundry and half-way there take a pile to the bathroom and as I put the towels into the cabinet I see that it needs organizing so I sit on the floor and pull everything out and start to organize, but then I think I should start a bag for trash and another for donate so off I go for the bags. They reside under the kitchen sink which I see has our coffee cups from the morning in it, so I start to put them in the dishwasher only to find that it is full of clean dishes, so....you get my drift. As I am getting older I am doing better, but sometimes......

Do you ever wonder what would happen if you were gone tomorrow? Would the toilet get cleaned? Has anyone else ever actually cleaned the toilet? Just me? Hm. Who would make sure there is bread in the freezer, cream for the coffee or even the coffee for that matter? 

Who would wash the windows? Vacuum right to the corners? Trim the puppies nails? Trim the pups? Would someone else make sure that there was toothpaste, razor blades, dog food? 

My mind goes "there" sometimes. The things that nobody really notices are the things that I do every day or every week or once a month or twice a year. They are solitary chores and I don't mind doing them, but once in awhile I wonder if I should make a list to leave behind; like a Will of duties. 

The pet peeves that I have would go undone. The sink drain would need to be emptied. The cobwebs in the cellar in need of vanquishing. Change those sheets once a week! Wash all of the bedding 3 or 4 times a year.....at least!

People don't notice the clean windows, but I feel like they would notice dirty ones. Magic drawers full of folded clothes. Deodorant and razor blades are always just there, right? Socks match.

Sugar and spice and everything nice are watched over and replenished by house elves; right?

I never thought that I would take pleasure in all of these little things, but as I get older, I enjoy these things. The process of folding and dusting and washing and straightening. The magical things that nobody notices, but benefit from. Making life comfortable in a simple way; under the radar. Being useful and quiet. 

So, I wonder sometimes; if I was gone; would anyone notice? Just in case I have decided that I am not going........

Happy Fall.

Dear Lily,
You left us on August 12th at 10 in the morning and we will probably never be exactly the same. For 13 years you were my constant companion and best friend. You saved me from the dark during a very dark time for me. You were never “just a pup” to me. You were child, friend, family and saying good bye was so very hard for me.
We are still talking about what you would do for attention. Flirting and barking at Justin or Don or Dave. When you were ever so tiny, untying my shoes was a favorite pastime. Your first and most favorite toy was my Bra of all things. Not a clean one; oh no; but a warm one fresh off in the evening. You would grab it and head out on a run.
Our tentative and cautious pup, you were careful around strangers, but if a new pup came around you were the boss. The tiniest boss, but the boss all the same.
When you were 4 and we brought home Daisy, you were so mad at me. Turned your back and pouted. However, the first thing Daisy ever did was clean your face and ears. She loved you from the moment she found you. We were secondary to Daisy I think.
Up until just a couple of weeks before you left us you loved to Herd a Basketball around the yard. You would bark and stomp your feet until we threw it for you. Daisy was terrified of the thing, but you were the boss of that big, hard ball.
You would hop up on my lap if I was knitting and you figured that I had ignored you long enough. You loved our little Maeve from the first time she arrived here in her infant car seat. So very many kisses.
And you loved your Dad. The minute that truck pulled into the driveway you would run to the top of the cellar stairs and wait. Then off, like a shot, to your baby on the floor in the living room. (A big old black dog that had pellets inside.) We called it your baby and I am still sleeping with it now and then.
I can still feel you in my arms and it is so very hard to know that you are not here anymore. I hope that you are with my Dad. He thought you were pretty special.
For a few days after you had to go, I could feel you around the house. Just a feeling like you were there making sure we were ok. Then one morning about 6 days after, I woke up (at least I think I woke up) and there you were sitting on the bedside table. Just looking at me like you were saying goodbye. After that I did not feel you here anymore. Maybe my imagination, but I felt better after that. Still sad; still weeping at the drop of a hat, but better.
Then a couple of weeks ago I opened up my little ipad at work and for some reason, Facebook opened and there on the page was this little puppy face looking for a home. I felt like you were saying, “don’t wait; this little girl is for you.”
So even though I said I would wait until at least spring and look for a little white pup like you; here I am in autumn, with a little black pup named Ivy. Nothing like you, but every now and then she does a little move that is you, my Lily. I will miss you forever. I thank you for making our lives soooooo soooo sooo much better for having you here. Thank you for choosing us to be your people.